虹の終わりまで。

2012-02-04T18:00:00.003+08:00

if i die tomorrow, there will be so many things that i would not have accomplished.

it will be such a pity to let it all go.

2011-12-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

just watched this weird video about this china boyfriend who disapproved with his girlfriend's decision to take part in a bikini competition that he went to the recording studio where everyone was gathered, made a big fuss and untied his girlfriend's bikini top since, according to him, she "wants to show it so badly to everyone".

some tried to stop him, but he still got his way and the girlfriend's tits were exposed to everyone around the world with an internet connection.

i'm just so irrationally irate over this.

wtf, honestly, men from chauvinistic countries *coughs*china*coughs* NEED to learn how to respect women. otherwise, dont even think about fucking us or having a child with us. your sperm will always be on the toilet floor or tissue paper.

2011-11-27T21:04:00.002+08:00

hua er told me that celebrating your 21st birthday is important, because after celebrating it, you will be blessed with happiness (xing fu).

i think the purpose of having those big birthday bash is not only to celebrate happily this coming-of-age with others, but also to thank others, in whatever ways they have had helped you before. also, it is the chance for your parents to show others how well you have grown up as a person, who is going to mature to be even more splendid by yourself from now on.

but what's the point of having a party when i'm not even happy?

i'm not happy being with my immediate family.

one day, i'll fly away, leave all these to yesterday.

2011-11-26T22:05:00.001+08:00

sometimes, i just feel really, really lonely.

2011-11-23T22:59:00.002+08:00

yesterday i was sitting at the bus stop with my boyfriend, waiting for buses that go to lakeside to come.

all of a sudden, a taxi screeched to a halt right in front of our eyes to pick up a passenger. because of his sudden brake, following about 500m (quite a safe distance) behind him was another taxi that jammed his brake too. however, behind that 2nd taxi was a black car, which was tailgating or something i guess, since he was very very close to the 2nd taxi and probably wanted to rush across the red light.

as the black car narrowly stopped about 50cm away from the 2nd taxi, there was a long and loud horn which lasted for about 30 sec. with that, there was a loud BANG!!!!! and the smell of a burnt engine.

apparently, since they were near a T-traffic junction, a mini silver van was trying to filter right and turn into the road that those cars were jammed up. it was a 2 lane road and those cars were taking up the left lane. while the silver van was filtering out into the road, because there was another car that was rushing through the red light and travelling on the right lane, he had no choice but to swerve and bam into the black car, as well as knocking into the metal bar that served to demarcate the asphalt road from the grass kerb. in the end, if i'm not wrong, the burning smell probably came from his engine, which kissed the ass of the black car and there was a huge dent in the body of his van.

poor guy, and i think those kind of mini silver van probably belonged to his company or something.

according to my boyfriend, he said in this kind of instances, the one who is at fault is the last person, i.e. mini silver van, since he was the one who crashed into others even though he wasn't at fault technically (i mean, all he did was filter). maybe the only fault he had was that he didnt LOOK carefully before turning out.

ok la, admittedly, it's quite a big fault, but i still think it's quite unfair if he is made to pay for all the damages. he has to pay for the black car as well as his own (or company) mini van leh!! that's a lot, and i'm pretty sure the amount will end up around at least $500 for surface damages. if let's say his van suffered some engine problems, it's probably gonna cost more.

i think the black car is somewhat at fault, cause he was the one tailgating the 2nd taxi! if he didnt, he wouldnt have had to brake at such a perilous stage, and stopping right in front of the filter lane.

but i think the worst worst worst person is the 1st taxi that stopped to fetch a passenger!!! you know what he did after the crash happened? after the passenger got on board, he IMMEDIATELY drove away into the darkness of the night.

cheebye taxi.

so did the 2nd taxi, but i would say the 2nd taxi had the least fault (didnt tailgate or anything) so i would understand if he didnt want to get involved.

but EH HELLO, CB 1st TAXI, EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE OF YOU OK!!!!

i mean honestly, he could stop further down or something right? why stop at the 1) bus stop and 2) so near the traffic light? my bf said it was because he was worried the taxi behind him, i.e. 2nd taxi, will get the passenger if he didnt stop there ._.

seriously, because you wanted to earn maybe $20 - $30, 2 people have to suffer with damaged cars and probably a total hefty bill of up to $1000 for repair works.

i hope the passenger only travelled to lakeside or something lor... making the trip damn unworthy.

i contemplated about going forward to report the 1st taxi number, but before i could go, the 2 cars left. in any case, i rmb the taxi number!!! it's those blue SMRT (?) cabs and i was hoping they would put up some 'calling for witnesses' sign so that i could call and tell. sadly, no such luck when i went out today.

oh well, karma comes and i hope you're well prepared for it cheebyes! (hee hee, cheebye is my new favourite swear word)

side note, i've only 1 more paper left on 30th nov!! yay so happy because after that it's holidays and i'll be able to go shopping with my friends :D

2011-11-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

when i want to watch tv, i dont get to do it because you are the one deciding. despite my calls and interest, you ignored all of them and continued with what YOU wanted to do.

yet when you need help, you expect me to do it for you just because the other daughter of yours wants to sleep.

so i'm just here for you to get things done? without any respect?

give me good reasons why i shouldnt move out in the future when i get the chance.

2011-11-05T00:12:00.001+08:00

in the end, it boils down to interest VS prospects/money.

and so far, everyone has been telling me to go for money.

i dont know... should i?

2011-08-05T01:18:00.001+08:00

it's one of those days when you just feel like you're not good enough.

:(

2011-07-20T00:14:00.003+08:00

at the end of a day, a child's behaviour is analysed, criticised and judged by his or her parents as to whether or not they have been good children.

whether or not they have been obedient, whether or not they have been hardworking, whether or not they have been filial.

especially filial, people stress on it so much. it has become something of such astronomical proportion, doing anything to defy what might be considered as 'filial' is tantamount to treachery or blasphemy.

which i guess could be justified, since your parents are the one who brought you up, gave you a roof, and in all essence, gave you your life.

but at the end of the day, shouldnt a child give his or her parents a report card as well? shouldnt he or she be able to grade and judge for themselves if their parents have been good ones?

have they been caring? have they been loving? have they been considerate?

it's not easy being a parent; but neither is it easy being a child.

everyone tells me, 'you should appreciate your parents, appreciate what they do and have done for you'. but no one, and i mean NO ONE has ever told my parents 'you should appreciate your children, appreciate what they do and have done for you.'

ilmbbsk

2011-06-22T23:06:00.001+08:00

2011-06-14T22:53:00.002+08:00

you wait and you anticipate, as you hope and pray eagerly.

but in the end, it all boils down to nothing.

disappointment burns deep into me and i feel like crying. i could have just followed what i felt, could have convinced myself to just think that i wont be getting any jobs this summer and that's perfectly fine but i was swayed. i thought heaven was being kind to me and i was getting the job offer OF MY LIFE.

yep, no way, life is never that good.

i see all the things that i want, and i have no mood and cant buy them. my boyfriend sees things that suit him but he cant buy them. nope, we cant afford such luxuries.

studying so hard and being in university. so? it doesnt ensure that we will get jobs when we need it, it doesnt ensure that we could have the money that we need, it doesnt ensure anything.

i'll make sure people who dont hire me or my boyfriend regret doing so.

2011-06-07T21:44:00.002+08:00

seems like everyone managed to get a job during this short hols except for me. seriously, what is wrong with me? am i just that bad or am i not trying hard enough?

feel so useless when i hear that people around me are going to work, leading hectic lifestyles, earning money etc etc when all i'm doing is lazing around at home.

so difficult to earn some money.

i just want a job that i like (or at least is experiential), fits my schedule and pays relatively well. guess that's too much to ask for huh. fuck my life :(

earlier on my way home on bus 178, there was this auntie who kept scolding her daughter beside her over her academia until she cried.

i didnt mean to eavesdrop (ok, maybe i did a little) but she was really loud and probably really pissed so it was difficult to not notice her. she kept reprimanding her daughter, saying that she doesnt work hard, doesnt focus when she's studying, is lazy, doesnt take the initiative to do her assessment books, always watches tv etc. then there's this boy, probably a classmate, who goes to his grandma's place every sunday to play video games but still manages to score well because he focuses and studies while she doesnt. she also said like in the past, her generation of children all wanted to study but didnt have the chance to, textbooks expensive, dont know how to read, cant afford education etc.

after hearing her complaints, i cant help but feel sorry for the daughter. she looks young, probably still in primary school but she has to face all these stress. it's not easy living in the world.

i guess the daughter reminds me of myself in the past? i wasnt as smart as my sister, and i was constantly compared with my classmates. in fact, i myself compared and judged myself based on how well i did amongst my friends. when i did scored 80 upon 100 for spelling, i would proudly tell my parents that i did well, better than XXX and YYY, both who are my friends. my father would usually reply by asking why do i not compare myself with ZZZ, who did better than me and is a smarty asshole. so there you go, i was compared and comparing myself the whole time i was growing up in primary school. and when i scored maybe 70 out of 100, my sister would say things like 'when i was the same age as you, i dont dare to go home if i didnt score 80 out of 100 ok!'.

when i did (relatively) well in school, it was of course natural, taken-for-granted. when i did badly in school, i get scolded and compared and rendered useless. nice way to infuse values in a kid. eventually i grew up and realised that education is important and that i am smart, but not without a price. i had my dark periods and struggle, and even till today, i cant say that i've successfully overcome them but i did do well for olevels and decent for alevels. but i digress...

after recalling all these unpleasant memories, i promised myself that if i have children in the future, i'll spend more effort in educating them myself. it's not easy, and i know if i have a career, it's going to be difficult juggling work and home. more so if i also want to be a good wife. but if i have a baby, i'll make sure i spend time and effort on him/her instead of throwing him/her away to tutors/maids and just blaming the child or any other person if he/she did not turn out perfect. i guess that is the responsibility of being a parent.

and although i do think that the young generation nowadays definitely cant take hardship well, it does not mean that things are easy for them. yeah, of course life was very difficult in the past. it might have been difficult to study or get a chance to study, yadda yadda yadda. but that's not to say that life is very easy for them right now. with every generation and era, comes new problems that the youngsters have to face. whether you deem it as important or significant or not doesnt matter, because you are NOT the one facing them. it's what they deem as important or significant that matters. so stop saying things that 'you have it so easy right now' because even though it might be easier, it doesnt mean it's EASY for them. spend a little effort in understanding and listening to them.

the other day i was having lunch with baobei in JP and this little girl sat beside me, eating her yong tao foo beehoon with her parents and elder brother who is in RV. she was eating so slowly that everyone had finished their food + ice kachang dessert and she was still nibbling on her beehoon. the mum was so pissed, she started saying things like 'you dont waste my time ah, take so long to eat one bowl of beehoon. i can use the time wisely and do other things one ok' and after that, she told her son to wait for her to finish the food while she goes off with her husband to buy things. the son was of course, very reluctant but had no choice. after the parents left, he kept whining, telling her to hurry up and etc.

again, that made me feel like deja vu all over again. when people start out in something, they have all the passion and zest. they want to do it well, they want to devote all their time in it, they want to excel and give it their best shot. i bet before having a child, the parents would be telling themselves they want to be good parents, they will enjoy every minute with their child, they will revel in the happiness and comfort of having company. but after having one, it seems like parents usually do not appreciate their child. even lovers who have once swore that waiting for the other party is bliss, would eventually get sick and tired of waiting.

waiting for her daughter to eat = wasting time. so when she's old, her daughter dont have to wait for her to go out/eat/do things? fucking double standards. and i thought the best part of having a child was seeing him/her grow up and evolve, a new life and existence forming because of the love between her husband and her. apparently not.

i want to start my life myself and not have these things happening to me. i wonder if it will be possible...

2011-04-23T11:44:00.002+08:00

i'm so minuscule in her eyes that it seems as though i no longer exist.

guess she's fulfilling her proposition of yesterday.

this is really starting to affect me. can i please gain the strength to go through all this?

2011-04-23T00:03:00.003+08:00

someday, i will spread my wings and fly away.

i will be alone, independent, hopefully with but maybe without a significant other. and i will build my own branch of family. i will have my own husband, own children, own home.

at that point in time, what memories would i have of my current family?

would history repeat itself and i'll see myself being like my mother 36 years down the road?

will then be the only time when we all realise how important we are to each other, and regret how insufficiently we cherished each other?

let's face it, everybody play favourites. you have yours, i have mine. fair game, full stop.

but when i keep trying and i'm never good enough, never the priority, never taken into consideration, never appreciated, how much harder do i have to try?

how much more verbal abuse do i have to take?

how many more quarrels do i have to hear?

2011-04-14T18:44:00.002+08:00

it was so fun filming at Pepper Lunch (Jurong Point) today! :D

the staff were really nice, they offered to present us with the dishes FOR FREE and even asked us if we wanted them to put it on a non-heated hotplate first, so that we could test our angles before we start shooting.

such professionalism!

after the shots, they actually threw away all the food (!!!) because they were no longer fresh and couldnt be eaten.

and the manager, Francis, told us that we could have dinner there and it'll be on the house, as part of advertising and promoting the shop.

Jamie, the person in charge of advert and promo, was super cooperative and nice too! she offered to do all the procedures for us, such as stirring the rice, pouring the sauce, so that we would get all the nice shots and professional handling of the food.

lastly, the rib-eye steak is awesome!!! it's my first time trying it, and to be honest, it's a lot better than steaks that i've eaten in many western restaurants because i get to control how well-done i want it to be. the meat is soft and succulent, not like tough steaks. really really nice!

above all, today was great cause my baobei accompanied me throughout the whole of the shooting. it's so nice to have him around, hugging and cuddling me :)

love him so much <3

2011-04-13T18:36:00.003+08:00

we never mean to hurt each other.

but in the end, we still do.

this is my 2nd time crying during the bus journey. how many more times would i do it again?

2011-03-31T21:11:00.002+08:00

i do what i'm supposed to, but i still feel that i'm not part of the class. they do things that i'm not interested in, and what i say are not things that interest them.

it's making me quite depressed, honestly :(

but i've chosen it, i wont wallow in self-pity now. there's nothing to do but continue forward for another 7 more weeks.

GO QINGPEI! because what doesnt kill you will make you stronger.

at the most, your GPA suffers. fuck it, there's more to life than just GPA.

and honda-san, will i ever meet you again? :DDDD

2011-03-06T23:00:00.002+08:00

'i like big butts and i cannot lie.'

quoted from my bf, whose stomach i accidentally sat on LOL.

ah well, he had a good time slapping it, so he should like it ;)

2011-03-02T23:40:00.002+08:00

i happened to be with him when someone asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go penang on the 23rd of december this year on facebook earlier and his reaction was like:

"SIAO! no way man, it's one day before our first year. need to have sex then."

LOL he's so cute <3

2011-02-02T22:58:00.003+08:00

so that i'll never forget the moments that we had, and be appreciative of having someone so loving and precious in my life.

i dont deny that i've been very occupied with him, spending most of my time dating and thinking of him when i get the chance to, thus neglecting a few other aspects of my life. it's really irrational, and there are times when i think i really have things that i have to do by myself, but i think i'm in a stage where we're so crazily in love that we cant stop and take a breather.

i love it though. instead of worrying about how our future is gonna be like, whether or not the spark between us will fade away or if we will end up being together in the long run, i would rather indulge in what passionate emotions we have now. for these emotions will lead us to the future. we cant predict things, but we can create what we want for the future right now :)

if it turns out well, good for us, we deserved it for all the effort that we've put in. if it doesnt, fuck it, at least we've tried.

being with him made me so much more wholesome as a person. i feel that i'm happier, more tolerable and just healthier emotionally. although there are still things that i might feel uncomfortable to talk to him about, it doesnt impede the progression of our relationship. and i have a strong feeling that someday, i will be able to talk to him comfortably about anything. not that i think i should tell him EVERYTHING. i still think that there are always secrets that we wish to keep from others, but as long as they do not turn into obstacles, i dont really care about them.

when i'm with him, he makes me feel so protected, so desired, so loved. he hugs me like he never wants to let me go and like i'm all that he holds on to. he makes me feel so thankful for his presence in my life. he teaches me how to appreciate things. he brings me to heights never attained before. he lets me realise reasons to love myself more. he allows me to be selfish when i'm with him. he dotes on me and treats me like a princess.

he made me realise that saying sorry could be the best thing that you could ever do.

because of him, i try to be punctual and stricter with myself, changing and removing my bad habits. i packed my room, so that in the event he comes over, it wouldnt be horrifyingly messy. i am more disciplined when it comes to household stuff, because i believe it would be good training in the future.

now, i'm gonna apply it to school work. i'm gonna work hard, play hard and love hard.

it's time to get started, qing pei!!!! GO GO GO!

happy chinese new year everyone. it's gonna be a great one this year! :D

and i love you loads baobei. always will <3

2011-01-22T22:41:00.001+08:00

maybe i'm not cut out to be in a relationship.

or maybe PMS is too strong a force to fight against.

2011-01-11T18:32:00.002+08:00

i know i'm so late, but merry christmas and a happy new year!!! :DDD

things have been crazily hectic, and blogging really wasnt at any part of my mind at all.

in short, i survived my year 2 sem 1, had my finals (which is too sad to be mentioned) and got myself a boyfriend <3

now, i'm busy dating *blushes*

having read my previous emo posts, i would like to say a big THANK YOU to him. i think things are gonna start afresh from now because of him.

LOVE YOU LOTS BAOBEI! :)

2010-11-22T13:49:00.002+08:00

seeing my baby on the big screen, it was such an emotional moment that i teared in class.

all the effort over the past few weeks on display for everyone.

i dont care if people dont think it's good. i dont care if they dont like it. i dont care if they say it's bad.

they didnt see how much i've done to make it work. they didnt see how hard my group worked during shooting. they didnt see the sweat and devotion we gave for the video.

to me, it's my production and i love it :)

2010-11-15T11:44:00.002+08:00

the crushing disappointment of tremendous effort going to waste.

i thought i'll never experience it and let it get me down again.

2010-10-31T16:45:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i think that the reason why i really want a boyfriend is just so that i can have sex with him.

surprise, surprise (or maybe not, since i guess i've always been quite open about my sexuality).

i guess i'm the kind of person that treats physcial love and intimacy as part of relationship love. that is, for me, to be in a boy-girl relationship involving love means emotional, mental and physical support.

yet at times, i feel that the emotional strain of being in a relationship is too much to bear, which propels me towards the thought that i wanna be in a relationship just for convenient sex.

HOWEVER!

despite all that i've said earlier, i cant really imagine myself having sex with somebody.

i cannot imagine being comfortable when i'm naked around someone else who is ALSO naked.
i cannot imagine myself in a compromising position performing sexual acts.
i cannot imagine myself enjoying sexual acts being performed on me (and displaying my enjoyment).

i cannot, i cannot, i cannot.

it's really weird, huh. i think i may remain a virgin all my life :(

2010-10-17T00:52:00.002+08:00

recess week is here but i'm still as busy as ever?!?!?!

FML X1000000000000000000000

._.

i need time off. period.

2010-09-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

matt was right.

someone who has self-abused before WILL have tendencies to repeat it again as an absolution when faced with problems.

it's a fucking vicious cycle that never ends.

2010-09-04T02:01:00.002+08:00

if i lived in a shojo manga, this would be the scene where i meet a guy soon. someone who is really optimistic and cheerful, bringing me up from the dregs of pessimism in the realm of love.

he'll be THE ONE, giving me support and loving me, up to a point where i fall hopelessly in love with him and we'll end up being happily together forever.

the end.

sadly, i dont live in one. which means no cheerful guy is going to appear, no cheerful guy is going to accept and no cheerful guy is going to help me change my negative take on love.

yeah, i know, i just told bobby to believe in love and that it will happen, THEN it WILL happen.

so i dont practise what i preach. sue me.

it's not that i dont want to believe. i want to, very badly. but EVERY TIME things fuck up and i just realise that maybe i'm not so suited to be with someone.

and marriage? dont make me laugh.

i want love. i want marriage. but to me, they seem like 2 very naive and abstract constructs.

i want to believe in love. i want to believe in marriage. and i know that i have to change my beliefs myself, instead of thinking and waiting for someone to come in and change my opinion.

but i'm only human. i get tired.

as much as i am independent, i still wish for someone to be there for me, to share things with me, to hug me, to dote on me, to care for me, to love me.

i never say it out loud, but i do want those things. i am, afterall, only a young girl who desires love and affection.

i've been in love, i've been out of love. now, i'm sick of falling in love.

i have this crush on an impossible someone who probably doesnt even remember me and i'll never meet again. yet he was the one who gave me the confidence to try and believe in love a little while longer. i really tried, but when i face reality, i cant help but fall flat on my face again.

will i ever be able to complete my own shoujo manga story?

through my eyes.

2010-08-30T18:36:00.003+08:00

there were 4 of us, walking down the street to get to a place. perhaps it was school, perhaps it was a coffee shop, in any case, we were moving together as a team.

but within the team members, 2 were unsatisfied. exact reason? unknown. the 2 of them were walking beside each other, but they left a huge gap in between. they werent talking to each other, either because they refused to or they were just too tired to.

however, while 2 were silently minding their own business, the 2 of us were engaged in love bonding session.

with my arm entwined around yours, we talked about anything and everything under the sun. i was so happy.

that is, until i realised that the 2 of our group mates werent speaking to each other. so i unhooked my arm, and told you to wait.

i ran up to them, hooking my left arm with one of them and my right arm with the other, asking them what's wrong and easing the tense atmosphere that lurked around them.

not long after, you came up to us in a huff, grabbed my left arm and hooked it under yours again without saying a word. but your expression tells me you wanted me to yourself.

i was so happy that my heart could burst. but despite that, i replied you saying that i want to talk and have time alone with you too, but i cant leave them as they are.

i dont know where we were, but i wasnt scared. i felt protected and secure, because i knew your arms were around me. i knew you were close to me. i knew you were hugging me and keeping me warm.

my head was on your left shoulder and when i took a deep breath, i smelled comfort, warmth and love.

i was fighting an extreme urge to lean forward and plant rows of kisses on your neck.

it was a place that i could be in forever :)

my 2nd summer crush <3

2010-08-21T02:20:00.002+08:00

i believe that there are good guys out there :)

good guys that are kind, treat ladies well, affectionate, helpful, etc etc.

and someday, i'll meet someone like that who will love me and i'll love him back and we'll have a happy and wonderful relationship together <3

yes, i will believe. because i have met guys like that, just that i am not lucky enough to be part of their lives. but someday, i will have my own.

and when that day arrives, i shall learn to love and be loved. and for that very special person of mine, i will learn to become a good girlfriend for him, supporting him and loving him in every way that i can.

yep, i believe :D

thank you. i really enjoyed being around you guys. if there's a chance, i hope to meet and work with you guys again someday! you guys gave me new hope and renewed strength to believe in love :) and i think even though i'm sick of unrequited and unfulfilling love, i think i will believe in it for a while longer :)))

LOL chobits!

2010-08-16T17:33:00.003+08:00

i was surfing youtube the other day because i was bored, and i stumbled upon this video, about a funny part in Chobits.

side note, Chobits is this anime about androids and humans. think Absolute Boyfriend (another manga/jdrama), DearS (anime) or Wall.E..................... okay, actually Wall.E isnt really fitting.

hence, since i cant think of an english show that has a similar plot (i'm sure there is one, but i just dont know or cant think of one right now), i shall briefly explain the storyline.

basically, the main character of the story, Hideki, is a guy from a village who went to Tokyo to take lessons so that he could pass his University entrance exam. the story is set in the future, when there is this invention of Persocons, personal computers but they take the shape of humans. they are like humans in every way (looks, feel, texture) other than their ears, which are like cat's ears and the place where cables can be connected to for transfer of data etc.

he was really poor (from the village) so he couldnt afford a Persocon despite wanting one. but one night, while he was downstairs throwing the trash, he found an abandoned Persocon lying there, covered only in bandages. he quickly took her back home and er..... touched her at a special area (YES, THERE! LOL.) to switch her on. and from there, the real story starts. the interaction between an android and a human and the problems associated in a society that has been inundated with 'fake humans'. where do you draw the line between human and robot? how do you draw the line between human and robot?

plus, there is this this whole mystery behind the Persocon that he picked up. why was she abandonded in the rubbish dump? is she owned by someone? who is she really?

okay, back to the picture. so this scene was when that Persocon had to buy panties for herself, so she went around town saying 'pantsu, pantsu, pantsu~~' because 'pantsu' means panties in japanese. but because she doesnt know that you have to buy them from a shop, so she did stupid things. and when she met 2 school girls on the street with their skirts blown up by the convenient wind, she went up to them and further lifted one of the girl's skirt.

i'm guessing this is the reason why that guy got so excited that he had to relieve himself, LOL.

p/s i'm currently watching You're Beautiful. OMG IT'S BLOODY AWESOME!!! the guys are all so fucking hot inside <33333333

p.p/s transcribing sucks :((( it's damn boring and hard to listen to lousy recordings, straining my ears and eyes in the process.

sex revelation.

2010-08-12T15:10:00.004+08:00

a revelation i had last night:

i will NEVER have sex without aircon.

well, maybe i shouldnt say without aircon, cause that would mean that i would only fuck in enclosed areas (and that's not true *wicked smile*). but anyway, i will NEVER have sex when it's really hot and stuffy.

for some reason unbeknownst to me, my aircon, as well as all the other aircons in my family couldnt be switched on last night.

it was horrible, i hate sleeping without aircon! i didnt sleep well, waking up and falling back asleep multiple times throughout the night :(

call me pampered, but i am a strong believer and follower of what Mr Lee Kwan Yew said, that the invention of aircon has improved productivity tremendously.

anyway, back to the topic, as i laid on my bed underneath my duvet (i'm used to it, so i need it no matter how hot) before sleeping last night, i kept thinking how uncomfortable it is to have sex in a hot area.

imagine this:

2 overlapping wet bodies gyrating rhythmically to each other,
hot sweat running in torrents down your body to the most sensitive area,
greasy hair plastered on your forehead and face,
mixture of sweat, saliva and love juices all over your body,
every thrust sends your body temperature rising about 10 degrees more,
as you orgasm, hot, sensational liquid warmth spreads throughout your body making it tingle and convulse.

good eh? dont get too horny now.

now imagine doing all of the above in an area where it has no ventilation, no cool air and the heat is maximised 10 times.

it's enough to make the most erect penis go floppy, IMO.

hence, a piece of advice to people who happens to read this:

if you're thinking of having sex some time soon, in singapore especially, please do it in the comfort of an air conditioner. your own bedroom, his/her room, hotel, shopping centre, toilets, whatever. just make sure it's cool enough!

outdoor sex is cool, only if it's cool (omg what a fucktard pun >.>)

having said all of the above, i wanna share a dream that i have :)

i wanna have sex in marina bay sands resort someday!

my boyfriend will enter me from the back and i will be facing the window, overlooking the night skyline of Singapore City or Singapore Flyer. i'm absolutely sure it will be pretty, singapore looks awesome at night ^^

this idea is kind of JR inspired, cause when the 2 guys in the story were having sex in the hotel, Akihiko told Misaki to look in front at the window, where due to the brightness within the hotel room and the darkness of the night outside, it became like a mirror, reflecting very clearly the actions and expressions they had for Misaki to see. needless to say, it embarrassed him thoroughly, raising the experience of the whole love making session up a notch :DDDD

and speaking of mirrors, that's something i would like to try with my future boyfriend too :)

so... future boyfriend, look out!

p/s please dont get intimidated or judge me by what i've posted. i'm not a nymphomanic who thinks of nothing but sex. though i have to say it is a big part of my thoughts.

pp/s i just finished my hongkong drama! it's oh so good <3

2010-08-05T22:42:00.002+08:00

喂，喂，不要怕
你是好娃娃。
自己跌倒自己爬。

when we were young, we were taught to have the courage to pick ourselves up and walk again even when we have fallen down.

however, as time passed by, as new experiences inundated us, as we constantly fight a losing battle against age, we have unknowingly and conveniently lost that courage.

precisely because we are human beings, we are considered to be at the top of the food chain, where we manipulate and consume things because we are smarter.

unlike the rest of the beings in the animal kingdom, as we grow older, we have the ability to consider things before we act. we have the ability to learn and differentiate what we think is right and wrong. we have the ability to feel, to understand, to accept and adapt.

yet simultaneously, because we can cogitate, we feel emotional pain. we are torn between conflicting decisions. we no longer know what is right and what is wrong.

wouldnt things be much nicer if we were all learning from scratch once again? if we managed to gain back the courage that we've lost? if we could be like animals, strong and unwavering even in times of difficulty?

about a month ago, when i was overseas in uk, singapore had like some major flood issues. apparently, the whole orchard wisma area was flooded, right down to the basement shops. recently, some show on channel 8 (i think it was qian xian zhui zong) interviewed people on what did they think of the heavy rains that we're experiencing. majority of them all replied that they wouldnt want to drive out if it was raining, which made me feel damn ridiculous.

just because of the rain, you would stop yourself from enjoying a day in singapore, where most places are sheltered anyway?!

if we were toddlers and learning how to walk, we would be wheelchair-bounded right now, for we would be too scared of falling down.

yeah, granted the roads are significantly more dangerous when it's raining, but that doesnt mean we have to give up in times of difficulty.

we never gave up learning how to run, which is significantly more dangerous than walking, or we never gave up learning how to walk up or down slope, so why do we give up so easily on other issues that we face in life?

that's actually a rhetorical question, cause i have an answer for it.

because we are afraid.

we know how depressing it feels like to fall down. we know how excruciating it feels to fail. we know how much it effort it takes for us to believe in something, only to have it all gone in an instant.

all because we are too damn smart for our own good.

animals never stop trying, they never give up on life. no matter how many times a spider web is broken, the spider will always spin it again. why did we lose this sort of perseverance? this sort of faith? this sort of belief?

i wish to gain back my courage and perseverance. i wish to be able to tell people that yes, i know i might fail, but at least i have the guts to try it out and i have no regrets.

someday, someday. and i shall start changing from this second.

2010-08-03T16:06:00.002+08:00

perseverance wins! i finally managed to get my hands on photoshop :D

now that's one thing down on my list of things i need to get before school reopens. next comes premier pro.

but i have yet to find any job :(

i have sent applications, but none got back to me. it IS that depressing. i guess i cant blame anyone, afterall, not being able to commit for long is a big problem.

but i wont give up! i really want a job. without it, i cant earn money and gain life experience.

aaaaaaaand.....

i miss my crush :)

i dont even know why i'm like so attracted to him. it's driving me crazy >.<

welllllllllllll..... actually i think i kinda know why. but still, i know it's just a stupid crush and not going to work out, yet i just cant stop thinking about him. arg.

plus, i'm so fat! gee! i cant believe myself. i just laze around all day, watching tvb dramas or animes and not doing anything productive. see why i need a job?!?!?!

2010-07-29T22:24:00.002+08:00

i'm back at where i started.

being back in singapore, in my room, in front of my computer, it feels as though as i've never been overseas. as though as 1 and a half months has not passed. as though as nothing has changed.

but they have :) and i'm happy about it.

and my first present to singapore?

vomiting in the toilet of a kopitiam in tampines >.>

i'm guessing it was due to the long flight, resulting in constant food supply but inconvenience in shitting.

anyways, i've been trying to get a job so i can earn some money to sponsor myself for overseas trips. saw the intern email that they've sent to my ntu mail, so i applied for it. now i'm kinda scared about it, cause while i am interested in really being in the work force, i'm really intimidated by what i have to face. from what i see and know, the media is really not easy to mess with. unless you have the passion and perseverance, you WILL get crushed.

but i'm already a foot in it, i dont want to give up now. geez.

and to make matters worse, i saw a vacancy in mykii, a restaurant in holland v that i've been to and adore. now if both places get back to me saying that they accept me, i dont know which one to choose.

well, actually i do. the right one would of course be the internship. i mean, it would be foolish - fucking stupid, in fact- of me to give up the chance and become a waitress, whose pay is gonna be a miserable $5/hr.

but i like the restaurant. and i believe that by working in the place, i will be able to meet lots of people. sigh.

what my summer crush said is right. in asia, people are powered to work towards things that have monetary gains. it will be the most important factor when decisions are made.

oh, i miss him :(

i gotta buck up and have more confidence in myself.

you gotta be able to love yourself, qingpei!!

side note, photoshop sucks. i've tried so hard and downloaded so many different versions of pirated photoshop but none of them works!!!

2010-07-26T17:12:00.003+08:00

flying back to singapore in roughly 5 hours time.

sad? yes.

happy? yes.

honestly, travelling around is fun. but after a certain amount of time, you just get so homesick and wish that you're back home. then when you're back home, you wish that you are overseas travelling ._.

one of the little ironies of life.

things that i am going to do when i get back to singapore:

1) bring my ah pak out for walks and stuff.
i am super guilty over this. i mean, it's not like i cant do it. to get to his house, it takes only an hour by bus, less than that by train. but because i'm lazy and would rather stay at home and do nothing, i usually dont go down. even when i know he would like to see me and go out.

2) paint my room....
PURPLE! oh yeah :D the side that i will be facing when i sleep will be painted a comfortable deep purple with glitter that will look like stars when the moonlight shines upon it.

3) go to the library with my laptop and read up on photography + photoshop.
i've been thinking about this since i started my eastern europe trip and met my summer crush :) he's a freelance photographer and takes wonderful photos. plus, it will be useful for my comm modules.

4) upload the photographs i have onto facebook.
before i procrastinate and forget about them, like what i did with my photos of switzerland last year >.>

5) blog more often!
i've had a fantastic trip, seen lots of interesting landmarks and monuments, met superb and despicable people and discovered a whole lot about my self identity. hence, before i forget what i've learnt and forget that i've forgotten, i want to note them down.

6) reorganise my room.
i want a new wardrobe. the current one is too small for all my clothes. plus, i have no mirror in my room! oh, the horror. this will fit in nicely with the painting of my walls, a whole new room after summer :)

7) cook meals more often.
i've been thinking, maybe i should work towards my dream of opening a bakery/restaurant/brasserie someday. especially when i was in europe, the food over there was so expensive + yucks! i love to cook and can cook better than them, so this would be good practice. plus, it's healthy and i NEED to lose weight.

8) RUN!
i usually run around my house compound, because it's so convenient. but i'm thinking of running around the lake now. cause the air is obviously better there, and if i get mopey, i can always just sit by the river bank and think things through.

9) get a job.
for experience and for money. both are important. i dont know if i should be interning, because honestly, that thought scares me a little. i'm worried because i dont know what they are expecting of me and if i will be able to live up to expectations. plus, internships usually require quite a long period and i dont know if will be able to cope while with it while i'm studying. however, i am planning to work during the weekends even after school starts because i want to go overseas with the money i've earned!!! AND THAT'S IMPORTANT!

10) read more books.
i miss harry potter! watching the movie made me realise how good the books were.

yeah, i'm gonna have to stop here because i have to go out and buy more chocolates for my friends.

will blog again when i'm back in singapore!

2010-06-10T19:02:00.003+08:00

leaving for geneva on sunday and nothing has been planned :(

fuck, i'm getting super stressed. and regretful.

i kind of wish i hadnt bought tickets to go overseas. i'd rather stay in singapore.

and i'm honestly broke. i realised that after this trip, i would probably have no savings left. which is fucked-up cause i cant live on air when i'm back. my sister is totally ignoring the plight i'm in, which makes me even more irritated cause she worked and has money but i didnt.

the only money i have is what i've saved and scrimped by skipping meals or bringing lunch boxes to school.

on a different note, i read this yaoi manga today, called Friends Like a Lover. and nope, the picture at the top of the post isnt from there (i inserted it to make the whole post happier). i wont elaborate much about the manga, cause i'm only at chapter 3. but in chapter 2, it was about a threesome :DD

i loved another manga by the same manga artist, which is why i started reading Friends Like a Lover. the name of it is Junai Fetizm (yes, with a 'z' cause it's cool like that ._.). i thought the artwork and storyplot was pretty good for a yaoi.

oh, and i downloaded chapter 23 and 24 of Junjou Romantica raw, but i have yet to read them. omg, my life is so filled with boys love <3

yaoi aside, i read the lastest chapter of Liar Game in the morning too. IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!! i cant wait till the release of the next chapter ^^

yeah, and that's a brief update of my life. honestly, not much.

i have done nothing other than reading lots, and i mean LOTS of manga, watching animes, dramas and movies.

p/s i love karaoke with calister :D

2010-05-29T17:12:00.002+08:00

my new motto:
一日一善　（いちにちいちぜん）

it's basically inspired from kimi ni todoke, and the picture above says it all :)

to explain a little, the girl, Sawako was on her way to school one rainy morning, when she met this dog in a box labelled "Please throw away". she cant keep him, cause dogs hate her (kept growling and snaring. she said it's something that has happened since young), so she left her red brolly for the dog, sheltering him from the rain.

i know, what a sweet gesture right? :)

so yeah, i'm gonna work hard and be like her! at least one good deed per day!

p/s the technicians came over and fixed my aircon today!! i'm sooo happy :)

p.p/s coding is such hard work :((((((((( the information is so ambiguous!

p.p.p/s i'm hungry!

2010-05-28T00:53:00.002+08:00

the results are released.

i didnt perform up to my expectations :(

honestly, i wouldnt say overall my grades suck, but they are definitely not what i've wanted.

i really wanted to do well, although i have to admit that during the exams i basically indulged in pointless activities.

but still.

oh well, guess i cant spend the rest of my holidays sulking and thinking about how badly i've done right? :)

on a totally different note, i finished the anime version of kimi ni todoke yesterday! honestly, the ending was what i had expected and i have to say i HATED it!!!!!!!!!!

fucking hate these sort of cliffhanger endings. (@*&&*@^$@#

it's basically shoving the manga IN MY FACE and telling me to go read it if i wanna know what happens. and you know what, THEY ALWAYS FUCKING SUCCEED!!!

horrible, scheming japanese.

they are just so good at hooking you in and watching their stuff. but kimi ni todoke (henceforth referred to as KnT) was really good :)

i wouldnt say it's the best shoujo manga i've read (probably nothing beats hana yori dango), but it's really good. i loved chizuru's part the most!

in fact, i think my favourite character in the whole show is her, with her innocent smiles, tomboyish actions and cheerfulness towards whoever she meets :D

maybe i'll do up a summary in my next post, as a tribute to the whole series. or no, wait.

i'm gonna do the summary only AFTER i read the manga!!! that way, i get to know beyond what was portrayed in the anime and have deeper characters insights.

yay ^^

speaking of manga, i just, and i mean JUST, completed liar game.

i cant wait till the next chapter gets released! it's so exciting!!! who, exactly, is going to win? it is now not only a battle of the wits, but also a battle of the hearts and emotions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn.

my fucking aircon just cant give me a break. IT IS BLOODY HELL LEAKING AGAIN. so FUCKING annoying and irritating! especially when the weather is so hot that it's going to burn us to crisps. FMLFMLFML.

2010-05-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

i apologise for the lack of blog posts.

it's really true, when you have too many blogs around, what happens is that you dont know which one to update, and eventually you end up not updating at all.

also, i was basically too absorbed in my animemangajdramacharlieissocoollikenerimonpokemonyellowzeldalink'sawakeningsupermarioworld to blog. i just CAN'T stop doing all those activities, leaving me no time to do anything else. and i mean ANYTHING ELSE. (well, other than eating, bathing and sleeping, of course)

but now i've decided that i'm gonna update this, so i will stick to my decision and blog way more frequently!

i have lots of things to blog about actually. plus, i recently vlogged.

yes, it's true!! i VLOGGED!!!!

i kind of cant believe it myself, but when i go to My Videos, i can see my vlogs so i know it's true.

i do want to upload them, but i have gotta get my adobe premier pro first, so that i can edit them. and no, i cant upload without editing, cause i'm a really bad speaker and i paused way more often than i spoke.

that's all for today. i'm really drained and so i'm gonna go crash.

my fruitful and eventful holiday has just begun ;D

p/s i love my blogskin <3

2010-05-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

qingpei: you were in mass comm too right? dont you think that the people in mass comm are very... opinionated and narrow minded? like they only think that they are right and everyone else is wrong. plus, they refuse to listen to others.

qz: .... yeah actually, they are... but i pride myself on the fact that i am intellectual enough to understand all of them, even when they cant do the same to me.

thanks, qz. you made me realise that just because they are small-minded doesnt mean i have to be. and i dont always have to try and change people, or hope that they will change, because that WOULD make me small-minded.

it's so fun having a night out with the guys :)

i really like sitting by the side of the singapore river, chatting idly about nothing important with my primary school mates. it makes me feel that despite how harsh life is, there are always people that i can depend on. not that i share my troubles with them tremendously, or that i am exceptionally close to them.

it's just that when i'm with them, i feel like i dont have to hide myself. i dont have to masquerade behind a mask, making sure that they dont get close to me and know my inner secrets. because i know they wouldnt judge. they might not agree with me on certain issues, but i know for sure that they would always listen. because no matter what happens, the priority is always I AM THEIR FRIEND. that overrides any negative characteristic that i might possess in their opinion, and gives me another chance to explain and show the other positive characteristics of the multifaceted me.

something so simple, yet not everyone can accomplish it.

i'm so happy i've managed to keep in contact with them :D

and i'll never forget the time when i sat down with valerie, at level 1a benches in jurong point, again, chatting as though as we werent in the middle of a hectic school term. she told me that her hostel neighbour told her that she's no longer a virgin.

qingpei: i thought the last time you said that your opinion of someone would change after she tells you that she's no longer a virgin?

valerie: yeah, but then i realised that she's still her, and that nothing has changed.

the simple understanding, brilliant.

i really love you, my friends <3

p/s qz was HILARIOUS. it seems like the only thing he could think about was sex, and he just kept giving sexual themes when we played R-O-C-K ROCK!, such as fetishes and contraceptives. plus, he sucked at all the games XD i cant believe he lost at the second round of 7up, when he was supposed to say Up! instead of 7. LOLOLOL.

p.p/s also, when qz said he was really happy to see that he was HIV free during his body check-up for NS, yh was like WTFFFFFFFF in astonishment. oh, look at how much they trust each other ;P

yh: WHATTTT?!?!?!?!?! YOU are HIV free?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!

qz: YES, I AM. i was so happy to receive the results. previously when i get a cough or fever or anything, and they lasted beyond 2 or 3 weeks, i was damn scared la! i thought fuck, i got AIDS or something.

qingpei and rq: *laughs at qz*

p.p.p/s never go to the arena if you wanna go clubbing. the place is really small, we had no table (this is actually our fault for being late, but whatever), the guys said the music sucked (although i actually thought it was okay. not fantastic, but not too bad), and they kept releasing this weird marijuana-like sweet smelling fume while we were dancing. i suppose it works and helps to remove any potential bad odour that people will experience while dancing with others, but still, it was so dense that it blocked our vision and the smell gets very sickening after a while. although in comparison, this smell is INFINITELY better than the smell in forbidden city, which was like this horrible incense STENCH of vomit.

2010-05-01T01:26:00.002+08:00

while i was on board bus 30 today, on my way down to ah mo's place, i passed by Waseda Shibuya High School.

i would usually pay special attention when i'm at the area (yes, so typical of me, i know) but because the time when i pass by that area is usually around 7+, the school would be empty then.

BUT!!!

i was in for a big big big surprise today :)

i think they had some sort of sports event or whatnot, cause there was this huge group, ALL JAPANESE, wearing shorts and trainers, standing at the bus stop, waiting for buses.

and omg, so very cute they were!!

there was an instance, when i turned towards the bus stop and coincidentally, this frigging cute japanese guy turned and looked at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sdoiflksjdhfksdjfjcblkjsndfkewhorhsdfk!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?!

gee, i need a chill pill. *coughs*

he's the EPITOME of pretty boys <3

not saying that he is in any way gay-like or sissy. he just has a really cute baby face that i cant resist.

i'm way too old for him though (i think and i feel) :((((((((((((((((

but anyway, he didnt board the bus i was on. 2 other guys and a girl boarded it instead. one of the guys went to the back while the remaining guy and girl sat diagonally in front of me.

i'm starting to sound really creepy and stalkish right? -_-

well, whatever. i dont deny it! *gets defensive*

the guys were really cute okay!!!!! i bet if you were me you would have paid extra attention too.

but anyway, this couple sat at a location where i could see them pretty easily. and looking at them, i get the tingling 'rabu rabu' feeling :D

it was soooo sweet when the girl leaned on the guy's shoulders and he, in turn, leaned on her head :)

you dont get to see such scenes nowadays. well, i dont. and because they looked so young, it's just makes me so envious.

when i was in school, i never had a chance to do this. (okay, actually i did but... yeah, that's another story ._.)

the innocence of the couple,
the simplicity of the action,
the pureness of their hearts,
the reciprocating feelings each hold,
the desire to protect,
the bashful yet delirious emotions.

such is youth :)

2010-04-27T22:43:00.004+08:00

exterminate, regenerate
i thought you always knew our fate
to just keep fighting on and on
while time keeps turning

regenerate, exterminate
and even though we are the same
why dont you hop onto your ship
and leave me burning?

yep, i love charlieissocoollike!! :D

he's awesome, please check him out on youtube if you have the time.

i know, just by briefly mentioning it, probably no one would go onto youtube themselves and type in charlieissocoollike. so as an attempt to push you guys to watch his videos, i'm gonna embed it here!

yeah, this + pokemon yellow is how i use my time instead of studying during exams.

edit: in a further attempt to push you to watch the video, i've hyperlinked charlieissocoollike. TWICE. now go see it.

2010-03-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

'you look so blissful when you talk about him'

i'm never gonna hear that sentence again.

2010-02-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

these ang moh men.

they just come into your life, fuck it up and break you apart.

2010-01-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

it's official, mark cenite smells fucking awesome :D

i cant describe the smell exactly, but it's definitely not sharp or masculine.

it smells rather homely, but not in the least unattractive. it's like fresh floral smell, but not in a feminine way.

it's just a smell that makes you want to get close to.

i may sound like a freaking pervert, but when i smell him, i get a strong urge to lean on his chest and take a deep sniff, intoxicating myself with nothing but the affectionate scent he emits.

fuck, i scare myself.

HE'S GAY!!!!!!

i should stop getting myself into relationships that will only hurt me. and falling for a gay ranks pretty high on the list.

matt once told me to not get too involved with gays, cause i'd *quote him* "want to have sex someday" too :(

it's a sad fact that i'm so attracted to gays. really sad.

2009-12-27T18:17:00.000+08:00

farewell eighteen ; welcome nineteen.

and so.... i'm officially nasty nineteen and 2 days old!

okay, to be rrrreally exact, i'm nineteen, 1 day and 4 hours old, cause my mum just told me earlier in the day that i was born at 9.45pm.

nasty cause it's my last teenage year :(((((((

so many things have changed, and now everyone is progressing into a new chapter in life, a decade into millenium 2000.

of course, being the very pedantic me, i must make some sort of new year resolutions in my life, things that i will strive to achieve.

1) be less judgemental.
to be honest, i dont think i'm a very judgemental person, partly cause i have my own issues (and so, i'd appreciate it if people do not judge me) and partly cause i'm rather liberal. but still, i have my times (especially when it comes to things that i dislike) so i'll try my best to rid myself of those unpleasant times.

2) be patient.
this is one of my weakest points. i believe i've inherited it from my mother, who is one of the most impatient person i've ever met (makes sense why she used to win marathons). it's difficult, but that's never a reason to give up.

3) be more cautious when trusting (and thrusting) people.
enough said. i dont think i need to emphasise on the acute stabbing pain and disappointment your heart feels when it has been betrayed. especially when you think perhaps this person will be understanding enough, only to have that thought cruelly shattered into a million and one pieces, and stomped repeatedly till it becomes non-existent.
this also brings me to another point, which is to not go around shooting my mouth off. there are things about me that others are better off not knowing.

i'm joking about the thrusting part, obviously.
or am i? ;P

4) be adventurous.
one of the most difficult things ever, because i do not have (and will probably never in my life attain) FULL autonomy. i cant just fuck everything and literally fuck everything cause i have to think of how my actions will snowball and affect others. but it is something that i would like to attain in my very last teenage year, trying out new experiences even if they might be potentially errant from the society's "NORMAL" perspective.

5) listen.
i'm so inspired by Prudential's commercial, the one which says "Listen to me, even when it's difficult, even when you disagree, etc etc."
i find it hard to talk to people at times, and this is further daunted by the fact that there's no one out there who really listens. sure, people say they "LISTEN", but as i have learnt from communication classes (and have met from communication classes), there are different forms of listening and majority of the people just listen so that they can ambush you or listen so that they can route the conversation back to themselves. i hate this, so i'll try my best to not commit these fallacies and meticulously listen to what others have to say.

as of now, these are the things that i can cogitate of. there are probably more but my brain just doesnt function at 2am in the morning.

digressing, that's a VERY obvious signpost to tell me that i'm old. i used to be able to sleep at ridiculous hours for even more ridiculous durations and still be perfectly capable of performing my tasks... :(

as to the wishes that i have, i wont say them, cause the things that i really want are not things that people can easily buy or give me.

2009-11-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

i really, really, REALLY hate myself.

even though i promised myself that i wouldnt watch koizora until my exams have ended, I DID IT ANYWAY -_______________________________-

qingpei, you idiot!

i had loads of time yesterday after my com203 paper, but when i reached home, i watched 2 eps of It's a Small World, an ep of Bloody Monday and 2 eps of Koizora drama.

omgwtfbbq.

fml can? and now i'm PANICKING because i have YET TO START genes which is in fucking less than 24 hours time >.>

and thursday i have german, which i regret not S/Uing tremendously. next time i'll make sure i check my mail regularly so that i dont miss the S/U period.

i dont know what's wrong with me. it's like i lost all my motivations (and brains) to study. i'm so distracted in whatever i do.

and if i screw up my exams, i know that it's nobody's fault other than my own. which makes the situation worse.

oh god. please snap me out of this reverie.

it's too late for exams, but never too late for my life.

p/s miura haruma is fucking awesome! how can anyone be this good looking?!?! :D

2009-11-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

STOP SLACKING!

my schedule for the day:

1) woke up at 11am after sleeping consecutively for 11 hours ._.

2) switched on my computer to watch bleach while having cornflakes till 3.

3) took a nap, and slept till 4.30. (i have no bloody idea why i was so frigging tired despite the 11 hours of sleep)

4) did my german homework which was supposed to be done last week. (jesus)

5) went to bathe at 5.20. finished bathing at 6.

6) left the house for german class. thought i would be able to make it on time but stupid 179 failed me. was freaking half an hour late.

7) finished german and went to jurong point for dinner with mama and sister.

8) reached home at 9.30pm and watched more bleach .___________.

yep, so essentially, other than the german homework that was way overdue, i did nought. and i predict tomorrow will be the same, since i have japanese oral and is going out after that -_-

and on friday, i'm going out for dimsum with my family.

and on saturday, i'm meeting jc mates to celebrate zw's belated birthday in the day and drinking with my primary school mates at night.

and on sunday, i'll probably spend my whole day sleeping since i probably wont catch any wink on saturday.

omfg >.>

and i have exams next next week. omfgfgfgfg.

but to be rrrrrrreally honest, i feel so slack! for some reason, i just keep telling myself i have time, which makes me lose the motivation to work hard.

and frigging bleach is way too entertaining to stop watching.

oh geez, please, someone just kick me in the shin (no balls, so too bad, haha) and tell me to go do my work.

2009-11-01T19:54:00.000+08:00

and so, when i thought the world had moved on and no one ever visits my blog anymore, my dear radiah actually asked me what happened to my blog yesterday (or this morning, actually).

which touched me.

so yes, here i am, blogging my way. i really did want to actually, but meh, procrastination is too huge a force to fight against.

bad things come in spades. i can totally attest to that.

it's a period of time when i think my life is fucked up.

and the people around me tell me their lives are fucked up too.

and the people around them tell them they have lives that are fucked up too.

and etc etc etc.

i cant wait till christmas. hopefully the joyous mood and festive season will lift us all out of this abysmal darkness.

2009-10-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

this limitless and vast love touched me.

i'm brimming with hope about you and me.

this "love" present in my heart; each and every "love" present everywhere.

reaffirms the meaning of why i am born.

believe <3